The Direct Seller's Podcast
The Direct Seller's Podcast
Why Top Leaders Never Tie Their Self-Worth to Business Results (And How You Can Too)
Are you so wrapped up in your business that you've forgotten who you are outside of it? If losing your rank feels like losing yourself, or rejection feels personal instead of professional, this episode is for you. Host Rachel Perry dives deep into the dangerous territory of tying your self-worth to your business performance and shares exactly how to separate your identity from your results—so you can build a thriving business AND maintain your sanity.
Key Takeaways
• The Identity Trap is Real: When your self-worth becomes dependent on business performance, you start making decisions from desperation instead of strategy—and people can feel that desperate energy from a mile away
• Relationship Damage Warning: If every conversation becomes about your business, people start avoiding you at the grocery store because they miss just being friends with the person you used to be
• The 5-Step Identity Reset: Go back to who you were before, audit your relationships, develop interests outside your business, practice introducing yourself without mentioning your company, and create success metrics that have nothing to do with income
• The Counterintuitive Truth: When you stop being desperate for every sale and recruit, you actually become MORE attractive to customers and potential team members
• Strategic Thinking Returns: Once your emotional stability doesn't depend on results, you'll make smarter business decisions and bounce back faster from setbacks
• Permission to Be Human: You can struggle with your business and still know you're a good person, parent, friend, and leader—bad business months don't define your worth
Call to Action
Ready to reclaim your identity? Here's your challenge: Do something this week that has absolutely nothing to do with your business. Connect with an old friend, take a walk without listening to business podcasts, or pick up that hobby you abandoned. Notice how it feels to be valued for who you are, not what you sell. And don't forget to send Rachel a DM on Instagram with the word "podcast" to grab your free 90-day action planner—because who doesn't love a good template?
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Send me the message PODCAST over on Instagram at @rachelaperry and I’ll send you my "Parties-Optional Profit Plan!"
For Additional Resources for Direct Sellers:
www.rachelaperry.com
Welcome to the Direct Sellers Podcast, the podcast for direct sellers who are ready to get uncomfortable, build their business and grow a team while changing the face of the direct sales industry.
Speaker 1:I'm your host, rachel Perry. Join me as we get real and talk about all the things you need to kick some serious direct sales booty, from overcoming limiting beliefs to sharing the exact strategies you need to attract the right people who become customers and beg to join your team. I've got you covered, girl. I'm going to be your new BFF when it comes to balancing life and kids while building your direct sales business with poise, peace of mind and, of course, a good set of fake eyelashes. Let's get started. Hello, my friends, welcome back to another episode of the Direct Sellers Podcast. I'm your host, rachel Perry, and today I'm having some tech issues, like my computer is slow, there's such a lag on everything and I'm wondering what the heck is going on. But hopefully this recording will work and we can dive in, because I'm really I'm very excited about what we are talking about today. I just think it's something that needs to be talked about. Okay, and that's who you are. When you're not posting content, when you're not trying to build your team, when you're not talking about your products or your business opportunity? And I know that might seem like a really weird question, but here's why I'm asking it. So you guys know I've been coaching people in this industry for years and years and years. I've been around, I've been around the block, I've been here a while and I see this pattern over and over again.
Speaker 1:Network marketers become so identified with their company and with their business that when their rank drops we've all been there or their team shrinks, or they've had a bad month, or their upline says something to them. That kind of makes them feel small. They just don't feel like their business is struggling. They feel like they are failing as a person. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever had something bad and I'm saying that in quotations, air quotes but something happens like you lose your rank, for example, or you don't earn the trip or whatever, and then you suddenly feel like you are a complete failure as a human being.
Speaker 1:Am I, are you shaking your heads there? I've been there and I get it. But here's the thing this is dangerous territory because when your self-worth is tied to your business performance, you're setting yourself up for an emotional rollercoaster that never ends, I mean right? So today we're going to talk about separating your identity from your business results and remembering who you are and who you were before this business and who you're going to be after it, and why this mental shift might be the most important thing for you to do today it's going to. This is how you're going to have long-term success and happiness, my friend. So I know that might sound heavy, but I'm serious.
Speaker 1:We I see too many of you spiraling when you lose your rank or when you don't make a sales goal, or when you're this I've seen this a lot when your upline doubts you or says something and you immediately shrink and put yourself in like this little box. But the thing is is this is a gradual occurrence Like this? This happens so gradually that you might not even realize it's happening, this shrinking to put yourself in a box, this identity crisis, if you will, identifying as I am, this direct seller, I am a business owner, or not even a business owner I am, for example, I am Bellamy, I am Sensi. You're not right, but here's the thing. Here's how it starts.
Speaker 1:You start out in your network marketing business and you're so excited because you're learning new things. You're meeting new people, you're making some money, you're getting recognition. And because success in network marketing often requires you to share your story and be authentic about your journey, you start weaving your business into your identity. Does this really, do you relate to this at all? And so your social media becomes all about your products and your team. Your conversations may revolve around your business. You make friends in the company right, you're kind of running buddies. Your goals become business goals. Goals. Your wins are business wins and your struggles are business struggles.
Speaker 1:And then slowly, without realizing it, the line between who you are and what you do. It starts to blur a little bit. It does you guys like? Do you feel that? Now listen, I am not saying that passion and dedication are bad things, because they're not, but what happens when your identity becomes too wrapped up in your business results is so many things. If you don't hit your sales goal for that month, you don't just feel disappointed, you feel like a failure as a person, like I said before this. Let me tell you this happened to me a lot. When someone says no to your product or to joining your team, it doesn't feel like a business rejection, it doesn't feel like someone's just saying no, thank you. It feels personal. Do you feel me on that? I know it's not just me.
Speaker 1:When you lose rank, you don't just lose income. You lose part of who you think you are. If you identify as a director, if you identify as an executive director, if you identify as a three diamond purple star whatever leader and then you lose it, you lose that. Your identity is like who am I right, you don't know who you are. But here's the thing when your self-worth is dependent on your business performance, you start making decisions from desperation instead of strategy. You may become pushy because you need the sale or you need someone to join your team, because you're like this is when I am a success, is when I have meet my sales goal or when I build my team, and then you start taking rejection even harder because it feels like they're rejecting you and not just what you're offering. And guess what? That then shows up in your energy and people can feel it and you guys have heard me talk about this like the desperation of high school Rachel to get a boyfriend. And I swear there was like it was like a beacon, that was like putting them off because I was so dang desperate, and it's the same for you in your business. No one's going to want to buy from someone who's desperate. No one wants to join a team with someone whose emotional stability depends on the success of their business, right? So what does this actually cost you? When your identity becomes your business, all hope is not lost, my friend.
Speaker 1:Okay, but let's just talk about the reality of what happens, okay. So when you are like the person that you are you know you are your business you lose resilience. Here is the thing, and I can attest to this Business has ups and downs. That's just reality. Life has ups and downs, but when your identity is tied to those ups and downs, every setback feels catastrophic. You can't bounce back as quickly because you're just not recovering from a business challenge. You're recovering from what feels like a personal attack on who you are right Like. This is proof that I suck as a human being. On who you are right Like. This is proof that I suck as a human being. Okay, am I being dramatic? Possibly, but I do know that I used to feel this way and I know that many of those that I coach feel the same way. Here's another reason this really messes you up.
Speaker 1:When you identify, like when your identity is in your business, you lose relationships. I used to do when I was with the tag team, we used to do videos like our minivan moments, and so often we would sort of bring make fun, if you will of like how we used to hide from people, or people used to hide from us at the grocery store or at Target. Because when every conversation becomes about your business sister, people start avoiding you. Okay, not because they don't care about you, but because they don't care as much about your business as you do. But also they miss just being friends with you, right, they miss the person you used to be. They want to talk about life and shared interests and like did you see this sale at Target? Not about your latest product launch or whether or not they want to join your team.
Speaker 1:And the third thing that I think is affected when your business becomes your identity is that you lose perspective. You stop seeing opportunities outside your business, and I have been there. Okay, every person you talk to you're like, oh, they'd be good on my team. I wonder if they are looking for extra money, right. Or I wonder if they are looking for extra money, right. Or I wonder if they would like my product. You stop growing in other areas of your life because you stop being curious about things that don't directly relate to your income goals and, maybe most importantly, you lose the ability to make clear business decisions, because when your identity is basically on the line with every choice and you're not even thinking this consciously, you're not thinking you know what my business is, my identity and every decision I make is going to affect you know it's going to imply or show me who I am. That's not what you're thinking, but your subconscious has. That's what you've taught yourself. So then you're unable to think strategically because you're too emotionally invested to see what's actually working and what isn't. You're basically seeing things as I suck and I got rejected, or, yes, I'm amazing, right, and I have seen so many people stay in companies that weren't serving them because leaving felt like they were losing themselves.
Speaker 1:And listen, I left my network marketing company and it was a big decision. I had the tag team that was just doing so well and it was taking up so much time and I just couldn't focus on the network marketing business like I used to and I also didn't want to anymore. I was. I found my passion in the tag team, also didn't want to anymore. I was. I found my passion in the tag team and so I found I left. But it took me a while to leave because that was part of my identity. When I left the tag team, y'all I had a massive identity crisis because I identified as Rachel from the tag team. That was who I was right. But I was so much more than that and I have seen people burn out completely because they couldn't separate a bad business month from being a bad, terrible business owner, right?
Speaker 1:So how do we fix this? Because I know that I'm not the only one that's ever dealt with this. So I have five steps. Okay, I'm trying to get more actionable in my podcast episodes, so I would love to know if this is resonating with you or what. But the first step would be to go back to who you were before. Like, who were you before you started this business? What did you love? What made you laugh? You know like it's like when you get into a bad relationship and then the bad relationship ends and you're like well, who am I? I was, you know, so-and-so's girlfriend or so-and-so's wife or whatever. Now, who am I Right, who were you before? What did people talk to you about? What did you talk about? Now you might be saying this is totally ridiculous, rachel, but it's not Okay. Some of y'all are straight up like I am a business and this is all I have to talk about. Okay, so go back to before. Who were you before?
Speaker 1:The second step is to look at your relationships. Gosh, this is so as I'm like sharing all of this. I'm just reminded of being a high school student. Right, like audit for your relationships. Do you have friends that have nothing to do with your business? Do? Can you talk to people about unrelated things, like not nothing to do with your business? And, on that same line, can you think about things other than your business? When you're talking to people and listen, it might take you some time to get back into things like maybe you need to join a book club or maybe you need to take a class or volunteer somewhere, but you need to have parts of your life that aren't just on your business, okay, so that brings me to the next step. Develop interests outside your business also. Side note, this also helps you with your business because you're building more relationships right, again, not that you're building relationships for the purpose of you improving and getting your business action. But this is just about you becoming more well-rounded, building more connections. Maybe you want to learn a different language, maybe you want to do more gardening, maybe you want to get into photography or learn some cooking techniques or whatever it is. Start doing that. Start get a hobby. Get a hobby that's not your business, and start doing it, even if it's just 15 minutes a week.
Speaker 1:Step four I want you to practice introducing yourself without your business. I know this is weird because we're taught like what's our, what's your elevator pitch? Right, like what's your 30 second introduction? But, sister, it's okay to not always have to use your hi, I'm Rachel and I da, da, da, da. No, who are you? Are you a mom? Are you? Do you like to ride horses? Do you love like? Who are you? Okay? And then the final part is to create success metrics. This is the most important, I think, is to create success metrics. This is the most important, I think, but create metrics for success. So, like, what do you just? What is success for you? But have them have nothing to do with your business. Like, if I make $5,000 this month, then I'm a success? No, no, it's things, and I tell my kids this all the time. We need to celebrate the small wins.
Speaker 1:So today I was helping my like, taking my son driving because, yes, he's 19 and yes, he's still just not have his license. Okay, and I'm like, before you go to school, you are going to get your license before you go to college. So he was he. We got back home and he was like, oh, I just feel like that wasn't a good drive. I I, you know slam my brakes on too fast at that one stop sign. And I was like, but, john Mark, you got in the car and you drove to go get a bagel. We drove to Manhattan bagel. You this is a big deal. You got on a busy road, you obeyed the laws. So you, you, you kind of were fast at a stop sign. That's okay, because that's not your.
Speaker 1:We're not measuring your success on passing every single step and being the most amazing driver ever. What we're doing is we're measuring your success by things that you did, that you got out of your comfort zone, you drove right, all those things. So for you, are you a good friend, or are you learning new things, or are you taking care of your health or are you present with your family. These are all measures of a successful life that have nothing to do with your rank and nothing to do with your income. So here's what will happen when you successfully separate your identity from your business and this might surprise you, but guess what? Your business will actually improve Because when you're not desperate for every sale, you become more attractive to customers. When you're not trying to recruit everyone you meet, people actually want to hear more about the business opportunity. When your emotional stability doesn't depend on your results, you're going to make smarter, more strategic decisions and you also become so much more resilient.
Speaker 1:You know your bad months don't destroy you, they just you're just seeing it as like information. Okay, that's data rejection doesn't devastate you, because not only do you realize that it's not rejection, it just means that that person wasn't the right fit. Changes in your company, because you know those are happening all over the place. Those won't send you into an identity crisis, because you are looking at it from a much more strategic perspective. And here's the most beautiful thing you become more authentically you in your business, instead of trying to perfect being the best you know network marketer in your business, in your company, or being the best you know, network marketer in your business, in your company, or whatever leadership rank you want, or whatever you get to be.
Speaker 1:You doing network marketing, your personality shines through. Your strengths become obvious. People connect with you because you're real, not because you're trying to be someone else. You also give yourself permission to have bad days, without it meaning anything about your character or anything about you being a successful business owner, right, you can struggle with your business and still know that you're a good person, you're a good parent and you're a good friend and you're a good business owner and you're a good leader. Right, and maybe most importantly, you give yourself an exit strategy, not because you're planning to quit, but because knowing you could survive and thrive without this business gives you the confidence to take risks, to take smart risks and make some really tough decisions.
Speaker 1:Okay, cause this happens Like we just we have to make tough decisions sometimes, and when our identity is so connected to our business, we become less able to do that. Does that make sense? So those are just some things that I want you to think about. Okay, when you do when? Well, when you're thinking about your identity and you're thinking about your business. It's really, it sounds it's like balance. Right, there is a balance. How do you stay passionate about your business without losing yourself in it? Well, you gotta schedule non-business time Every like, sister, if you are spending 60 hours working like we need to scale back, we need to scale back because you are more important. We need to take some time for you, okay, so here's the thing. I hope this was helpful, all right, and I would love for you to do like. And this is your brand, this is basically your brand. That's what we're doing.
Speaker 1:So here's your challenge for this week. I want you to do something that has absolutely nothing to do with your business. Connect with an old friend, take a walk without listening to a business podcast and I'm saying that because you know, I know I'm a business podcast, right, but listen, go listen to some you know a romance or a romanticist or a mystery. Okay, do something just because it brings you joy, not because it serves your business goals. And then I want you to notice how it feels to be valued for who you are, not what you sell. My friend, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1:I am so excited to see what's to come for you in your business and in your life, because I think big things are coming. I do, I feel it, I feel it. I feel it. I feel it All right. I'm going to go to the pool with my kids. I feel it, I feel it, I feel it. I feel it All right, I'm going to go to the pool with my kids. I hope you have a good rest of the day and I'll be back here next week for another episode of the direct sellers podcast. That's it for this episode of the direct sellers podcast, but our fun doesn't have to end now. You'll catch me hanging out over on Instagram between episodes and I'd love for you to join me. So hop into my DMs. I promise you're not getting any hate girl messages and I promise I'm not going to be asking you to weirdly buy anything. Send me the message podcast so I can send you my free 90 day action planner, because who doesn't love a good template?